The reader's trust

In writing classes, I've been taught about the level of trust between a reader and an author. The author makes a contract of sorts with the reader; that is, the reader trusts that the information the author gives them is true, that the author won't deceive them. Obviously, in a novel, the story told won't be true; but it will be true within the story, if that makes sense.

Take Jodi Picoult. She's an excellent and a talented writer; but she changes the story in the last chapter of every one of her books, turning each story on its head with a surprise "twist" at the end. To me, that feels like she betrayed my trust in her: I stopped reading her books, because what's the point in getting emotionally invested in a story that you know will all change in the last chapter? You can't go the whole way through a book claiming that X is true, and in the last chapter find out that X is all lies (unless it's a mystery/detective/thriller).

I think cliffhangers betray a reader's trust as well. I like books to be standalone books, regardless of whether they're part of a series. I like to be able to read a book in a series, and not need to get the next one to find out how the hero/heroine gets themselves out of the predicament that arose at the end of the book.

Take Juliet Marillier. She's my favourite author, and combines well-researched historical settings with great fantasy details, stirring romances and characters that pull at my heart-strings. I buy every book she's released — I even pre-ordered her most recent release, a first for me.

Juliet Marillier writes a lot of series.

But her books are complete in and of themselves.

When an author ends on a cliffhanger, to me it feels like they're trying to blackmail me into reading the next book. You care about this character now, don't you? Well, look what's happened! Mwaahahahahaa! Now you must read the next book, or you'll never know!

I buy Juliet Marillier's books, not because she blackmails me into feeling I "need" to find out what happens next, but because I love the richness of her writing, her characters, her worlds.

If a book ends on a cliffhanger, I might buy the next one in the series. I might read until the series ends. But I'll have a grudge against that author, and it's less likely I'll buy anything else they've written, because I don't want to be blackmailed again.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Mutes & Earthquakes (& well-timed advice)

Nice timing: After Monday's post about my lecturer's writing advice, I stumbled across this essay about writing by New Zealand writer and tutor Bill Manhire, in the introduction to Mutes & Earthquakes:

Voice shouldn't be confused with originality, another of those big ideas like inspiration and sincerity. We all learn to speak by mimicking the adult figures around us. We hear a noise and copy it....When we grow up we can hear our parents inside the sounds we make, and yet we are still ourselves - distinctive, and distinctively different from the voices which shaped us. The writing voice is like this, too.

This is why imitation can be very useful for a writer. You find your way to your voice by being influenced, by copying. The twelve-year-old Frank Sargeson started copying out Sir Walter Scott's Ivanhoe into an exercise book, which is going a bit far; but the idea has a strange sort of merit. Poets, especially, can be silly about this. I have met plenty who declare that they never read other poets: their own pure, original voice might somehow be contaminated. People who talk like that aren't writers. They simply like the idea of calling themselves writers....I don't imagine there are many aspiring screen writers who decide not to go to films on the grounds that the experience may destroy their art. The only person who will never become a writer is the one who doesn't read. Concert pianists listen to music. Great chefs like to eat.

So I encourage people to read widely.

I rest my case.

Manhire also quoted an unrelated but equally cool saying from writer Flannery O'Connor:

Discussing story-writing in terms of plot, character, and theme is like trying to describe the expression on a face by saying where the eyes, nose, and mouth are.

Writing advice

A creative writing lecturer gave our class some advice one day on how to make sure we never plagiarise or copy other writer's ideas.

His advice was this:

Don't read new books.

Don't watch movies.

He was quite serious. His theory was that going to movies and reading all the new pulp fiction around is a highway to having no original ideas left, because movies and books will fill your head with their ideas and writing styles and ways of doing things.

I mean no disrespect to him, but I think that theory is absolute bull.

I plan to read as much and as widely as I can. Not only classics (I think he approved of classics. He brought Nietzsche to class and read us chapters out of it. With effort, I stayed awake: not everyone else did), but new books; old books; in-between books. I want to read other authors' debuts, and established authors' series. I want to immerse myself in YA fantasy — no doubt a dangerous choice, since that's what I want to write and the potential for plagiarism is endless — but because that's what I want to write, and I want to see how others do it and the language they speak, the tools they use, the imagery they portray.

I plan to watch every movie that appeals to me; that is based on a book I love or a true story that intrigues; every cute little rom-com that sounds like it might have that extra spice of wit or intelligence — and this despite the probability that opportunity for plagiarism abounds.

Other ideas inspire my own.

My ideas and this lecturer's very seldom meshed. I learned only one thing from him that I did think was good advice, and that was when another girl in the class complained that her characters' actions "never seemed believable". He gazed at her in astonishment.

"What are these characters? They are words. They don't exist except in words. If your characters aren't acting in a way that's believable, that's because you aren't making the words believable."

OK, I can't remember his exact phrasing, but it was something like that.

I've often heard writers complaining that their characters won't behave, and I think that's a good thing: that shows your characters have life. But you need to be able to control your characters' actions — to change the words to make that believable for who they are. You can make anything believable, with the right words.

Conflicts

I'm thinking about writing my synopsis before (re)starting on editing my story (I know, I keep going back and forwards); partly because I'm now considering doing a really massive overhaul on the story.

At the moment it's divided into two "books".

Book One: MC is captured by evil ruler. MC spends most of Book One trying to escape from evil ruler. MC escapes at end of Book One.

Book Two: A second conflict, much bigger than MC's initial issue, arises. MC goes on quest to resolve this second conflict. Conflict is resolved.

Book Two is much shorter than Book One, and most of the stuff I really like is in Book One. It seems to me that I need to focus more on what the really big issue is. There needs to be one plot in a book — not two. Either that, or I need to cut Book Two out altogether or have it as a "sequel" to Book One.

The plots combine in the MC finding what she really wants in life; but the physical action of the two plots are complete opposites.

Book One and Two are connected. Bits of Book Two's conflict are introduced in Book One; and as Book One progresses we slowly find that what the MC thinks she wants may not be what she actually wants — so when she achieves it, it's a bittersweet victory rather than a resolution.

Not that I have any problems ending a book on a bittersweet note, but I'm just... thinking aloud, as it were.

I'm even thinking of scrapping the whole middle of the story and merging the two Books, but that would ruin the theme of the story.

This is why I need a synopsis: I need focus. Until I know exactly how I want my rewritten story to be, there's no point in starting to rewrite it.

Bold, brilliant and brief

Writer's Digest are holding a short story competition for stories up to 1500 words long: "bold, brilliant and brief"! And it's open to non-US residents. Deadline: 1 December 2009.

Ugh, I need to have so much writing ready by the end of this year. I've decided to apply both for the MA in Creative Writing at Victoria University (in Wellington); and for the Graduate Diploma in Journalism at Massey University (the Wellington campus). If I get in to either, it'll mean a crappy commute; but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

But I need a 20-page "sample" of excellent writing for the Creative Writing course; and a portfolio of previously-published stories for the journalism course. Eep! Both courses only accept about 20 students a year, and competition's tough. So I really need to get working.

I would much, much rather do the Creative Writing course. I don't want to be a journalist; I want to be an editor. Problem is, it's hard to get directly into an editing job without some journalism experience, so I'll probably need a few years up my belt as a journalist first. I'm also going to apply for a journalism internship, which would at least give me a foot in the door.

But I'd much rather do Creative Writing. I'm thinking a section of my current WIP (immaculately polished and revised) as my writing sample.

My problem with the Creative Writing course is that you're meant to give a proposal of what you'd write about. But what would I write about? I write most easily in the fantasy genre, but many literary folk seem to look down on fantasy — I don't want my genre to be a reason not to accept me into the course. If I could write a fantasy novel, then it'd be easy; I could write the sequel to my current WIP (which would just as easily be a stand-alone novel, if my current WIP comes to naught).

Either way, I've got a lot of work to do. It's kind of nice to have two plans; but on the other hand, I've got a lot of work to do. In the (likely) event that I'm accepted into neither course, I'll just keep on working — or possibly look at doing Honours in English at Victoria.

But I don't want that to happen — so rather than continuing to ramble on about it on my blog, I'm going to go get a good night's sleep and get up nice and early — and write!

Writing tips

First: I haven't been blogging as much as I've wanted to this week, partly as (yay!) I now have a full-time job, and partly as I've been slightly busier this week anyway. My evenings have been taken up with committee meetings, making mulled wine and playing Wii, and celebrating five years with Dan. (I'm not sure whether he thought having put up with me for five years was a cause for celebration.)

Moving on: I've been reading a lot of debut authors' blogs today, and thought I'd share some of the wisdom.

The talented Sarah Rees Brennan, whose debut book I've blogged about previously, has released the original first chapter for The Demon's Lexicon.

I haven't yet read The Demon's Lexicon, but it is currently winging its way to me, so I was curious to read the original first chapter (complete with author's annotations). I was also slightly relieved to read it — Ms Rees Brennan's blog is entertaining and funny, but those traits in a blog don't translate to writing ability. This chapter shows her writing skill.

...It also made me start comparing her writing to mine, as I sometimes do, and although she writes much better than my current draft is in, I'm taking note of her style. I don't want to copy any writer's style, but I think a vital part of writing is reading, and learning from other writers' styles.

I found a helpful writer's resource today: Carol North's writing tips. A few of the links weren't relevant to me, but I found her tips on writing Chapter One and Story Arcs a useful reference, as well as the Critiques don't bite PDF from the Muse It Up Club.

Writers' readers' group

As far as I can find, there are no writers' groups in Palmerston North (barring our NaNoWriMo group).

As far as I can find, there are no book clubs in Palmerston North (barring the City Library one, which seems to be a turn-up-with-random-book rather than an actual discussion of a set book).

I think this is appalling. I'd like to be a part of either one of these types of groups; but, barring online communities, there are no Palmerston North-specific book clubs or writers' groups, that I can find.

Want to help me make one?

I'm tossing around the idea of forming a combined book club/writers' group, meeting every alternating fortnight or so (e.g. the book club would meet every second Tuesday of the month; the writers' group would meet every fourth Tuesday of the month). Thus, while anyone could of course join both groups, you could just as easily join only one.

The writers' group would be a critique group, for more serious writers. There might not be a lot of "serious" creative writers in Palmy, but I've heard the ideal size for a critique group is 4-6 people; and I think Palmerston North can do that.

Writers' critique group: This could work in two ways. Each writer could bring their WIP along, read it out to the group (scary but helpful), and have it tactfully but honestly critiqued by the group. Alternatively, each month we could give one writer the "floor", and all help critique that writer's work. (Ideas? Suggestions?) This would be for creative writing only in any format. (Any genre; short stories, novel chapters, etc; fiction or non-fiction — as long as it's creative writing.

Book club: Every member could take turns suggesting a book to read and discuss at the following meeting. I think it would be neat if we could focus on New Zealand authors (buy NZ made!), but we wouldn't limit it to that. Again, any genre would be fine; if someone suggests a book in a genre that Person A doesn't normally read, it's a chance for Person A to enlarge their reading horizons.

I think both groups would be great for meeting new people; for connecting with friends you don't often see; and for just finding out about new books out there. It's always great to find (or meet!) a new author — and sometimes not in the genre you "normally" read, too.

Would anyone in Palmy be interested? Alternatively, does anyone who's not in Palmy think this sounds like a good idea? If you know any writers in Palmy who might be interested, spread the word! Let me know your feedback, and I'll look at taking this further.

Paragraph in a sentence

I've been having problems restructuring my WIP, mostly because I can't figure out what a "scene" is. I'd always thought of a scene as the kind you get in a play — action confined to the same time and location. Apparently not; there are so many definitions out there that I'm getting totally bewildered.

So rather than scenes, I've divided my story into conflicts, and briefly written what happens within these conflicts/chapters. Some chapters are shorter than others; some may merge into one. I hope a couple of chapters will expand into several as I figure out further plot points.

The other thing I'm doing is summarising each paragraph or set of dialogue into one sentence. This has been really useful as it's shown me where I'm repeating myself; where I need to devote more time to a subject; or simply where I'm not saying anything worth saying.

After this, I'm going to write a synopsis of my story the way I want it to be. Mentally, I've already cut two scenes and added two others which will help the characters' motivations for acting the way they do, later on.

Then I can start the rewrite.

I really like this new sum-every-paragraph-up-in-a-sentence technique; it clarifies whether the paragraph needs to be there.

I want to start rewriting, anyway. I'm sick of trying to re-structure and re-plan everything; it feels like I should start doing. Once I do start writing again, I'll still keep the new structure very much in mind; but after I've done this synopsis, I'm going to start writing the actual story again.

I already know what my problem will be with my (new) first scene... but that's a problem for another day.

Structure, scenes and snowflakes

I'm so much more confident today. I had a minor panic yesterday when I realised that, while I knew what editing I wanted to do, I had no idea where to start. I wanted to re-shuffle scenes. I wanted to rework the novel's structure. But what structure should a novel have? And what is a "scene"?

Today brought wiser counsel. Kerryn left me a really helpful comment (thank you!); I found a scene structure guide; I browsed Holly Lisle's site for advice; I downloaded yWriter and spent a while at the laptop with a note-pad by my side. I didn't do any writing, but it seems that for now, I need to focus on planning.

I started by crafting a 15-word sentence summarising the novel (difficult, especially when you're trying to make that sentence sound like a blurb on the NYT bestseller list). That was really helpful, though, as the result helped me focus on what should be — and isn't — my novel's main conflict.

I dabbled in the Snowflake Method; wrote blurbs; practised writing scenes; and found a new first scene for my novel. I wrote down specific issues with my novel, with 2-3 possible solutions to each issue; I clarified the central conflicts of my novel; I drew a map of my world. I summarised "chapters", each ending on a point of conflict or danger to my characters; and after the "events" of each chapter, I wrote up their "purpose" in the story.

Sometimes the purpose could only be summarised, weakly, as character development: "This shows M's independence." That helped show me problems. While the central events of that scene may be necessary, is the whole scene needed — or do I need to ruthlessly cut extra dialogue, actions, description? And do I need that scene, or can the events be related later in a conversation, or in a passing reference by the narrator?

I wrote pages and pages of notes.

I still have heaps to do. I want to rewrite my paragraph-summary. I want to write a plot synopsis, and a "character synopsis" for my main characters. A character synopsis is a single-page outline of the character's storyline during the novel; and while this may be obvious for your protagonist, and possibly your antagonist, what about your other main characters?

The place I tripped up when writing my first draft, was when I didn't know what happened when my anti-hero left the picture for a while. I knew exactly what my heroine did, the whole way through the novel; and I knew what the villain did. I knew all the on-screen actions. But when my anti-hero exited the piece and then, later, reappeared, I didn't know where he'd been. This was a major issue for me, and one I should have been better prepared for. I hope writing these character synopses will help me there.

The great thing was that while doing all this, ideas kept occurring to me. The tidiness of my carefully organised notes soon disintegrated as I kept adding excited side-notes: What if M overhears W berating E for [...]? M could then play on E's weakness by [...]. Would E figure out what she's doing? — with possible outcomes bullet-pointed after my side-notes.

I have such better ideas of where my novel's going, than I did 24 hours ago.

It's exciting. I don't know if I'll get writing tomorrow. In a way, I'm straining at the leash to get back to my writing. In a way, I'm cautious to approach my novel because I want to make sure I've got my plan right, this time.

But it's exciting. I can't wait to keep going.

Conducting a large-scale assault

So, the tortuous first stage is passed. Now all I have to do is obsess over whether I should have said "tortuous" or "tortured", and check it is meant to be "passed", not "past", although I think technically both are true. (And I want to be a writer. I'll try to learn basic English soon.) Now I'm on to Step Two, the one I've been looking forward to: Editing.

But where do you start?

Seriously. I'm asking anyone. Where do you start editing a novel?

Don't say "at the beginning". I'm not talking about fixing sentences — I'm talking about a proper edit — rewriting a good chunk of the novel.

I figured I'd start with structure. I want to begin with a different scene (much more interesting than its current bland introduction), move a few scenes around, make some scenes into flashbacks for later on.

But how do I even change the structure? Do I make index cards of each scene and decide which order they go best in? Copy/paste scenes? Refer to a "novel outline" ("First 5000 words: Introduce protagonist. Next 2000 words: Catalyst event", etc) and organise it that way?

There are so many courses and books on how to write. So many helpful websites and blogs on how to sell and market your book. But where's the information on how to do a large-scale edit?

I feel I should know this. I am the writer. I've edited lots of short stories — done big structural changes, rewrites, you name it — but they were short stories. They're a whole different level of writing.

I think the approach I'll go with is the index card one. Write out a one-sentence summary of each scene, and figure out which should go where in the narrative. Conduct large-scale assault on every scene in my poor little first draft. Everything that can go, must go! (Sale on now.)

Does anyone have any other ideas?

#PODfail

I didn't finish my first draft in time, so I didn't get a free proof copy of my 2008 manuscript. I mean, I finished the manuscript the previous day, did a very-very quick edit and sent it in about 12 hours before the deadline... but the files weren't approved on time, so no proof copy for me.

The good news is that, foreseeing this eventuality, I'd already uploaded files for my 2003 manuscript (the one I already have a copy of), so currently winging its way to me is the second proof copy of a book I already own and don't really need another copy of. Any takers?

I'm not as disappointed as I maybe should be, though. I didn't care too much that my 2003 manuscript was rough, because I like it as it is, and I don't want to do anything more with it. My 2008 manuscript has potential, and if I'm going to get it printed, I want a good copy of it printed. A cover that wasn't rushed through at the last minute (although Dan still did an excellent job of it); a restructured, rewritten, properly edited manuscript.

So now I'm hoping they offer a free voucher again this year for NaNoWriMo, so I can get a free copy of my manuscript then. In fact, that might work out pretty well, since this year for NaNoWriMo I'm planning to write a sequel to my 2008 manuscript... a two-book volume, perhaps?

And I'll leave you with this version of "Can I have this dance" from HSM3, which I found through this writer's blog, and thought was too good not to post. I don't actually like either HSM3 or any of the songs in it, but this singer, Sam Tsui, turns the song into a really beautiful one.

#11: Finish a 100,000+ word draft

111,096 words: finished.

It needs a wealth of rewriting, of course. I've already mentally changed the structure, started with a different scene, and dramatised my sadly tame penultimate scene. Plus I need to just rewrite a lot so it's not so... crap.

But if it's not finished in terms of editing, it's a complete story of over 100,000 words — approximately the right length for a fantasy novel (which it is), although I plan to cut it down in the rewrite so that it's between 90,000-100,000 words. I think 111,000's a little long for a first novel; besides, my writing can always be tightened up.

I've read a few novels lately, written in a similar style to how I want to write. I love how Dunedin-born Juliet Marillier writes; her stories always involve me so emotionally. I also read The Sound of Butterflies by Rachael King recently, and I noticed how beautiful the language was, how well every emotion was conveyed. Then after I finished it, and went back to get some one-sentence examples of beautiful language, I couldn't find any. By which, of course, I don't mean it wasn't well-written; it was written well enough that it flowed, with enough details to make it detailed and specific, but with few enough words that there was no purple prose.

I want to read novels with this kind of writing style so I can try and write how these authors write: language beautiful but concrete, evocative but un-purple-prosey.

But for now, regardless of writing style, I'm happy. I've finished my first draft — my wobbly, badly-written, poorly-plotted first draft of my favourite "novel" to date — and I'm happy. It may be that I never get this draft to a publishable grade, either, and I'm fine with that. But I want the experience of rewriting, of editing, of changing structures and scenes and tightening language and so forth — all of which I've done before, of course, but only for short stories. Oh, I can't wait to edit this one.

Debut authors

It's interesting reading debut novels lately, because I've automatically started to compare my own writing to that of the writer.

Most of the authors I read are well-established authors. Jodi Picoult, Terry Pratchett, Jeffrey Archer, Jane Austen, Georgette Heyer; the one with the fewest novels to her name is Austen.

But The Black Moth (Heyer's debut) is encouraging to read for an unpublished writer. The dialogue is stilted and unrealistic; the hero and heroine are vanilla; and I find myself caring more about the anti-hero's failed romance than the hero's boring-knight-saves-boring-damsel routine.

At the end of the book, I wanted to know what happened to the villain; if he somehow redeemed himself, because Heyer didn't make him wholly evil. At the beginning, I assumed the story was about the villain, because the whole first chapter is all about the villain. (In fact, it's my opinion Heyer later renamed the villain and used him as her hero in These old shades.)

Simple mistakes! Simple mistakes that could easily be fixed! I sometimes read a book now, and at a poorly-phrased paragraph or stilted piece of dialogue I'll think, in disgust, Come on, that sounds like something I would write! And in a way that's encouraging — even if the worst of a debut novel is on the same level as what I write, it shows I'm at least on the right track. A few years ago, I probably wasn't even at that level.

In a way I feel Heyer may have had it easier; she was published a few decades ago, and I've heard the publishing industry has got a lot more cutthroat since then. But I've read debut novels published recently, and again, I notice stilted dialogue, plot holes, character stereotypes, predictable plots... it inspires me with hope. And these are still good books. These are still readable, gripping, exciting books that I can't wait to finish. These are still published, recognised, lauded books.

What does this mean? Well, before I submit anywhere I want to be perfect. I want to edit and revise and polish it to what I feel is perfection. But it's encouraging to know that, while an author can do the best they can, some mistakes in writing don't prevent you from being published. You shouldn't make any mistakes; if you're aware of any, they should be wiped. But... I don't know. It's just encouraging.

Middleitis

I don't believe in writer's block.

I believe in hard work, discipline, and long hours spent learning the craft of writing. I believe in lots of feedback, lots of reading, lots of research.

I don't believe in sitting down and just waiting for inspiration to strike, because that road you'll never get anything done.

Having said that, since finishing my first self-published book, I've been experiencing something perilously close to writer's block.

I'm currently trying to re-write my manuscript from NaNoWriMo 2008. I sat down and plotted this story, point by point, in October; I got about three-quarters of the way through the plot, and then November hit and I threw plotting to the winds and just wrote. This worked excellently in November, and it was great to have that outline ahead of me, showing the way, guiding me... until the plot points ended.

I've tried. I have tried. I've stared at my screen for hours, written possible plot points on paper, gone to cafes to meditate on my story, asked others for feedback and ideas, and even gone to sleep thinking about my story in the hopes that I will dream what happens next. Sadly, none of these seem to have worked, although I've been having some weird dreams lately.

I don't need an ending. I know the ending. I know the start, and most of the middle. I just don't know... how to get to the ending. I have middleitis, and I'm worried this is where I find out I have an intrinsically flawed plot.

I'm not giving up. I don't want another unfinished manuscript to add to the pile. Not to mention, this is the first one that I (still) feel has potential. I'm not looking for perfection; all I want is a complete story. That's all. Get it finished, then go back later and work out the kinks.

Of course, what makes this interesting is the fact that my voucher expires at the end of May; so I have just under a week to finish a manuscript (that I don't yet know the plot for), format it, and design a cover. Ye gods.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could get ideas to finish the plot? What I'm considering at the moment is the Nike approach: just do it. Start writing. Don't allow myself to wait for the perfect middle. Who knows, my characters may even show me the way to the middle.

We'll see.

Re-reading the first draft

So, remember me liking my 2008 manuscript?

Remember me saying that this is the one I'd like to get to a publishable standard? That I love the characters, and all manner of other good things?

Well, that was before I re-read the story.

Ouch.

The start is dreary; the description melodramatic; the action unexciting; the emotion cheesy; the plot riddled with holes.

OK, so I already knew that about the plot, and I'm still very fond of my characters. Heroine, villain, all of 'em.

But apparently I can't write.

Not giving up, though. I'm still going to finish off this dull, clumsily-written story because, y'know what? It's a first draft. I'm still going to edit it (while writing other stories), and try to get it to a publishable standard, even if it's going to take me longer than I'd hoped.

I'm not discouraged; it's more funny than anything else. Besides, I already knew I'd need to rewrite a lot of it; I was prepared for that. I wanted a first draft, not a finished work of perfection. And I've heard this is a normal part of revision anyway.

1) (writing first draft) I am a genius! This will be an instant best-seller! Rowling will hang her head in shame and defeat.
2) (coming back after break to rewrite first draft) Miserable drivel! Why was I ever born? I have no talent, and should instantly run and hide myself where nobody could ever associate me with this travesty.
3) ...I don't know. Probably a sad, grim determination of "This'll have to do," as you decide to send your baby out into the big wide world.

And I hate to think what it's like after that; the writer submitting to agent after agent, publisher after publisher, or watching his work being rewritten by well-meaning editors who just don't get it, or torn to shreds by bloodthirsty reviewers....

Month of mayhem

I have, essentially, today and tomorrow to finish off my 2008 manuscript. After that, I'm going to be a screenwriting, job intervieweeing, parent-hosting, graduating, birthdaying, Fiji-visiting baby. Not all at the same time, but it's gonna be a busy few weeks.

After we get back from Fiji, I only have a week till my voucher expires — and last time it took me about two weeks to ready the cover for print.

So in the space of today and tomorrow I really need to write an extra 50,000 words (or thereabouts) and edit my novel to perfection. To give you an idea of how fast I can write, if necessary, the most I wrote in any single day last year was 16,402 words. So while 50,000 words in two days is still impossible, it's... do-able if I get myself an extra couple of days and write like crazy-person the whole time. Huh, at that speed I could almost complete NaNoWriMo in a long weekend.

Those 16,402 words weren't as bad as you might think, either. But then I had a detailed plan I was following, characters I loved, a storyline I knew inside and out; most importantly, I was in the flow. I'd been following these characters every day for the past month. I knew them. I knew what they wanted, where they wanted to be.

Now I've had a break of over five months, and it's going to take me a while to get reacquainted with them.

I also need to decide what the actual plot is for the rest of the novel. I know the ending, but I'm somewhat undecided as to how my heroes get there. I have plenty of ideas, but I'd really prefer an idea that made sense and was logical. (This is what happens when you write a story based on a dream.)

My aim for today is 5000 words. My aim for tomorrow is not 45,000 words — ye gods — but I would like to finish the book before my parents get here, and finish it well — not rushing it.

Yeah, cos that's gonna happen.

It's going to be a great rest of the month, though. A visit from my parents and brother; graduation; and a trip to Fiji. Oh, plus I'm turning a quarter of a century old this month. Quarter of a century! I keep forgetting it in the excitement of graduating and Fiji-ing.

Why can't I just write?

Had a really bad job interview. The job was perfect for me; I would do it perfectly; I am more than competent.

Turn up to the two-part interview and the guy interviewing me for Part Two was a workmate at a previous job.

In itself, there's nothing there to throw me. He was a cool guy; we got on well; I did well at the previous job and got promoted. But man, it threw me. I stuttered and stumbled my way through the rest of the interview.

I'm not getting that job now, which is really disappointing. (At least, I wouldn't hire me from that interview.) It's just such a shame, as I do think I'd have excelled at it.

Went home in high dudgeon, scraped my wheels along the gutter as I was passing a car in a narrow gap, came home in a foul mood.

Was feeling really depressed about the interview, so just started reading various blogs — I read a lot of (published) novelists' and literary agents' blogs to try and learn the business for once I'm at that stage.

Started reading, and it's really interesting. You forget your own problems; you're immersed in writing questions and problems.

Something in one blog clicked with me, and I quickly opened my current work and started rewriting a section, tightening the writing, getting it perfect. Then I realised: I'm not depressed any more.

Writing, researching, rewriting, editing: it makes me happy. I'm sick, just for the moment, of looking for a job. If I had a job it'd be fine. And I'm not suffering without a job, although my savings will soon start to.

But it makes me wish, for the moment, that I didn't need to look for a job. It's humiliating sometimes to be unemployed, and that's the part I don't like. I don't mind not getting a job that I've done my best for; if someone better turns up, fair enough. But I hate screwing up an interview; I hate ME being the reason I don't get a job I'm well qualified for.

If I could just write....

It's that time again!

How did I not realise this? Today entries open for the BNZ Katherine Mansfield Awards, which last year I spent three months looking forward to — I'd started writing a story for it in March.

And now I have no short stories "on the go" except for my little one about a mouse which I actually quite like, but is probably more suited to publication in a magazine than to winning a competition. It's not clever enough or beautifully-written enough for a competition.

So now, to start from scratch: a beautifully-written, clever story about something deep and meaningful with some subtle metaphors and imagery thrown in for good measure. Maybe something Mansfieldesque, in fact.

Ooh! I now totally want to slyly reference Mansfield in my story. I love literary allusions in stories, and this would be pretty apt (now I just need to think of a story idea). I even know the exact Mansfieldian metaphor that I'd refer to. Luckily for me, I have my Complete short stories of Katherine Mansfield sitting on my bookshelf, just waiting to be plagiarised.

...I'm not actually going to plagiarise anything. Or steal any ideas from her stories, or anything like that.

But when I've found a story idea and started writing, I might try to slip in an allusion to one of Mansfield's stories. Just to see if they pick it up.

It's here!

And it's beautiful.

Granted, you can tell it's a self-published book with a cover designed by two people who've never done anything of the kind before....

But.

It's here. And it is beautiful.

Singin' in the rain

Not that it's raining. But I'd be singing in it if it were.

Book shipped.

Shipped.

About one month before I get to behold my glorious book.

So of course, I spent last night reading up about horror stories from self-publishing places. It makes me glad that I did the formatting for my manuscript, so no one else can have stuffed it up (if I do, it's my fault, I can't blame anyone else); it makes me hope fervently that the binding will be decently done and the paper thick enough that you can't read through it, etc... but a lot of the horror stories seem to be about vanity presses, rather than print-on-demand outfits like CreateSpace.

But I guess I'll have to wait for the finished product to see. Oh, I hope it's good....